My only love
by Taintedbutterfly88
Summary: Some people seem to think or really do fall in love multiple times with multiple people, but as myself I have been, and solely will ever be in love once. Nobody but you. And this is the story you never heard...


Konichiwa! This is a little story inspired by and old fic I can no longer find, some of you may know, "I'll tell you someday" if anything seem like I'm stealing someone else's work I'm not meaning to I haven't seen the fic in years just remember bits and pieces of the over all feeling of the story, thus creating my own vision of a similar idea. Which I hope all you readers enjoy!  
"It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel." .  
Non-beta'd  
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Naruto or make any money from this. Its purely made for pleasure.

* * *

Some people seem to think or really do fall in love multiple times with multiple people, but as myself I have been, and solely will ever be in love once. Nobody but you. And this is the story you never heard...

It starts off with us at five-years-old on the playground where we first met, all the other kids there never liked me, always called me names, hit me, and pulled my hair then one fateful day I saw you, your round, creamy, face, midnight black hair that hung partly in your face, irritating you causing you to be constantly pushing it to the side, sparkling onyx eyes like jewels I could only dream of touching, but what got me the was your smile.  
One of the kids started to bully me about how my mommy and daddy had killed themselves to get away from me, even in my young mind I knew this wasn't true, they died in a car accident, but it still hurt, hurt more harshly then all of them gathering together to beat me up. Tears started to fall from my azure eyes, staining my shirt, I welcomed the physical abuse the older boys decided to endow me with in hopes it would make my heart hurt a little less.

That was the first time I heard you speak "Leave him alone"you said as you jumped down from your perch on the top of the jungle gym. Your face bared no emotion but, even so I was awestruck. Someone actually cared. To me though you were no 'just someone' you never would be..

When they retorted "Why should you care what we do to this little piece of orphan trash, Uchiha?" I had started to cry again I must have stopped when I had heard your voice. I had halted in my wondering thoughts when I heard the sicking crack of bone braking, when my tears cleared enough for me to see, you were standing with pure vindication in your stance with the other boy on the ground just below you clutching his nose with blood seeping out from underneath his hand. His friends looking at you in horror, you stepped away from the largest boy of the group still on the ground about to cry from the pain and said "If any of you so much as utter one word or touch one hair on his head (you pointing at me) I'll make sure its not just me that will seek revenge but also my big brother" every word dripped in malice as you stepped ever closer to the boys backing away till they were in a full-out run, the largest not far behind hand still attached to his nose.

I don't when you approached, maybe I just zoned out? But you leaned down, squatted in front of me and wiped the tears from my face, and said "You shouldn't cry, you look much prettier without the tears." I know I must have been staring open-mouthed because you stared to chuckle, mirth dancing in your eyes, then came the moment I fell for you, I saw your smile for the first time, bright and shining, taking up the lower part of your face. I just couldn't help myself, your happiness contagious and something else welling up inside of me I couldn't pinpoint yet. I tackled you, sitting atop of you I saw a flash of anger cross your face, I thought you where going to hit me, before you laughed, hooking your arm around my neck pulling me into a hug, my first I could remember as I couldn't recall my parents, dying shortly after I was born. You held me for a few long moments though not long enough before loosening your grip, I pulled back staring into your eyes, such a deep shade of black, then you did something I can still feel a small tingle of even to this day especially when passing a playground or swing-set like the one we were sprawled out in front of, you kissed my nose, I had blushed, you giggled and pushed up, me still sitting in your lap, you set me gently down like I was something precious and said "Your cute" before I could reply someone I had guessed was your mother called you to go home from the entrance. You got up and helped me to my feet, patted my head as I was near a half-foot smaller, and started to make your way to your mother. You stopped though when you heard a sob I hadn't meant to let escape, and turned around walking back over to me and whispered "We'll play again soon! So don't cry!" You pecked my cheek so quickly I was caught off-guard as I watched you walk, nearly run to your mother's side.

It was three years before we saw each other again, I had been crushed to hear when you had left but never, never stopped thinking about or dreaming of the day you'd come back but when we did, gone was the sacchariferous young boy from years past. Your family had gone overseas to America to help get a new business in the family off the ground I had heard in passing your family came back because your father wanted you to grow up in your family's culture, your homeland. Thinking back to then, your first few weeks back at school, So stoic, so distant. It was when I started to notice how different I was from the boys in our class. The mornings waiting for classes to start while most of them bragged and teased each other about which girls the other liked, all I saw was you. A deep pain in my chest almost as heavy the one carried for my parents, in some ways it was worse, when I would always see a particular girl from our class trying to hang on you, help you, and to my horror kiss you. Even if was just your cheek and even if your always pushed her away. I couldn't help myself but start fights with you, sometimes to get you away from her other just because I was angry for her ever even touching you. I couldn't and didn't want to touch her other then maybe rip her hair out for thinking you were hers, but I was scared if I did I wouldn't be able to see you again. They wouldn't put up with "The orphan child" hitting one of the privileged few, especially a girl. The only reason they left us alone when we would fight is because they wanted to see how badly you could hurt me, sometimes you did but I still loved you and kept fighting if only to have contact with my most treasured person.

The years pasted without much difference other we had adapted a bit of a friendship, a camaraderie. At thirteen was a new milestone for me and my feelings for one I had friends, a 'wanna be dog' and a 'lazy genius' as they were called around school, they were cool guys but, no one was close to being like you. Even if you still held me at arms length, I would have done anything to be near you. The biggest change in me started when you had said something, especially bastardly and I hit you, I had never done that before. And of course you hit me back with enough force to knock me to the ground, you climbed on top of me about to strike again but you caught my dead stare, because we were teenage boys, young ones, yes, but still. So when your long time love/crush is sitting on top of you, and you get weird butterflies in your stomach at their touch, it can shock you. You just muttered "Utsuratonkachi" and made your way somewhere else leaving me on the floor staring after you.  
You avoided me for a few days after that, it nearly ripped my heart out but also I was grateful for the time to calm down I knew I couldn't tell you of my feelings, I had seen the way boys who liked other boys were treated. I didn't need anything else to give people a reason to hate me, even though they never really had one to begin with, what worried me was you, if you rejected me or worse were disgusting by me and left me alone, I just don't think I could've carried on.

More time when by, we got older and you gave into pressure, sleeping with a lot of the sluts in our school, your favorite was that bubble-gum-haired bitch from elementary school. Her big breast, fat ass, and small form made her popular. Whenever you spoke of her, you always called her 'a good fuck'. At 16 a lot had changed in our relationship we still fought, but a lot of the fist fights were just a release. When you, you of all people tried to set me up with girls saying 'I was always too uptight because I was snooty-ass virgin' I would just scratch the back of my head and give a light chuckle, while screaming on the inside 'The only one I want to 'make love' (not fuck) with was you' I couldn't care less about anyone else in that matter. Yes, our relationship was much closer so much so sometimes I couldn't be around you or had to excuse myself to the bathroom to take care of a 'problem' being too near your body, your scent, just everything about you caused. One of the worse times in my life was when you really started to date that pink bitch. You said she had changed and was loyal looking for a solid relationship now. I just wanted to scream how wrong she was for you, How she could never make you happy, and I promised myself someday I would. I would tell you how long I'd loved you, how many times I've dreamed of you and me, and how I would do everything I could to make you happy as only I could.

Our wild college days, well your wild ones more then mine, came and went, though back then I followed and took care of you when you got too drunk and threw out the nameless whores you were back to fucking as the pink bitch had gone to a different college overseas. I actually tried to tell you my feelings once when you kissed me in a drunken stupor after a party for your twenty-first birthday. The next morning though you acted like nothing happened, so I accepted that and things went along as normal but a bit more painful for me at having had a taste of you.

The most recent years have been the most painful. The first and one of the most excruciating had to be after you we're excelling at your first job in your family's company, you finally had your father 'love' and attention like I knew you always wanted, making you more anxious then you used to be. Maybe that's growing up? I didn't know, but I did know you were becoming more consumed with your Father's approval then you ever had been. So when you came to me asking me if I would be your best man, I freaked but, that time was mainly because I knew you were doing this to please your family or more plainly your father. But after that big fall out, I never could stand us not speaking, especially since having you so close for so long. So I begged you to forgive me for my 'outburst', since I was always the one going to you since that day on the playground. You were my world. So I told you 'Congrats' and took the job and kept my ever breaking heart in a jar on my nightstand.

It all went by in a blur till the day of you stood there at the alter, the 'Wedding March' played in the background as 'The pink bitch' came down the aisle, her looks had matured some but still I couldn't see why you chose her. The only thing I could think of until you started to say your vows was punch to her lights out and steal you away, but when I heard your voice the actual emotion in it, staring at her just the way you did at me in my dreams and fantasies. My heart was no longer broken, it was shattered. And there was nothing I could do now, you seemed so in love.

After a few years you showed your face to me less and less. Because yes I had stayed here even when everything in me wanted to run I couldn't even take a job I always dreamed of having even when it gave me an opportunity to go somewhere I always wanted to go. I couldn't because I only had the want to go if was with you, I knew couldn't have you but, you were still the center of my world. So there was no way I could be anywhere else but where you were. Though I had stayed, I didn't get in your way I waited for you to contact me for once. If it was just to have a beer at my kitchen table and whine and complain about your wife and ask me why I'm never in a relationship so be it. That last time an old nostalgic feeling filled me and I threw caution and morals to the wind at confessing to a married man, but as soon as I opened my mouth your phone rang, it was your father, you had to go, so you did. After that I didn't see you again I figured you finally moved on from me, your security blanket, there to always help and never expect anything in return. But one day I received a call that something had happened to you and there was something I needed to pick up, to come to your house right away. I feared the worse and got it, you had committed suicide, a gun to your temple I heard, I couldn't help myself I had to see you, to confirm my worse nightmare. I could handle not having you, not seeing you, as long you were happy but this, this was to much. Your form lying on the bathroom floor your father's 'glock 23' still grasped in your hand. I crumbled.

"This couldn't have happened! He was supposed to be happy!" I screamed.

A C.S.I officer tapped me on my quivering shoulder as I was trying to hold everything to together, I turned and he handed me a letter, addressed to me, in your handwriting. I took it and quickly left.

Your funeral was beautiful. But it was something I wish I would have never had to go to or even fathom. Your parents got up and talked, your mother cried, even your brother I hadn't seen in years and years came, another man accompanied him, even I could feel the tension in the room with the two of them in the same place as your parents. But I payed it no mind. Some business partners and old school friends I thought you lost touch with years ago were there. I just sat in the back, so numb, I felt like ice had taken over me, chilling me to the bone. After your burial and everyone leaving I still stood there glaring at your headstone. I eventually walked home that day and drunk myself to sleep.

Having lost contact with most everyone from school, and for the last few months I had been freelancing for the company I worked for so really other then you I had no human connection, I hadn't wanted any. With no one to watch my rapid spiral I made it all of a month before the shards of my heart that had been incinerated upon your death had blown away leading me here, back to your grave. Your father's glock in one hand, that I had stolen earlier from the scene, and your letter I had refused to open till now in the other. Sitting down against your headstone I set the gun down and went to opening the letter. So many emotions ran through my head as I read, the one I settled on was rage.

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_Dear Naru,_

_I'm really very sorry, I know this must sound cruel. But just couldn't take it all anymore, everything so fake and routine. But most of all I have to tell you, I could no longer take living without you with me every moment of everyday. To share a life with you. And just you. I love you, Uzumaki Naruto. I always have, ever since that first day I saw you, you and your hair like sunshine, your adorable chubby, tan, face and your soul-piercing cerulean eyes. Of course you didn't always stay that way though. You became more and more breathtaking every single day._

_When I came back from America I was scared of you, Itachi had brought a boy home saying he was his boyfriend while in the States. My father and mother went on a huge rampage, the police nearly being called. After they threw him out, disowned him, and we came back here. But don't worry about him, last I heard he and his now husband had started of all things, a clothing line, 'Akatsuki' and are doing very well. I wish I could of told you how I felt, that we could have had such a happy ending. It was so difficult all those years of wanting to touch you, hold you, kiss you. Do you remember the one time I straddled you? I just couldn't help myself and well fighting seem like the perfect cover. It about killed me when you looked so confused, and even a little scared. So I backed off I couldn't risk losing you. _

_Did you ever notice I never did sit across your middle like that again in any of our many fights?_

_Who knows. Since I couldn't have you any other way I settled for my best friend, I just needed to be close to you. I tried so hard to move on. But every night I would dream of you, your face, your body, how you would fit so beautifully with me on my bed moonlight contrasting perfectly against your sun-kissed skin, two souls connecting as one. Your eyes brimming with love only for me. Our love. I dreamed of life with you by my side, sharing everything, the successes, the loses, the good, the bad, everything as long as it was with you._

_My longing for you got so bad no amount of fucking girls helped at all, I felt nothing for them. Your lack of partners always pissed me off, I could not for the life of me understand why I never heard of or saw you with anyone! I'm sorry, I picked on you but, I felt guilty, like you were better then me for controlling yourself waiting for some person worth giving yourself to. But since my time with my special one would never come I guess I didn't care and I didn't want you to either. My lovely parents then pushed me into a single-girl relationship they said they were 'worried' me having been with so many girls only once before a different one would show up. Only if they knew all I wanted was you. I don't know if you care or are even still reading but I never loved or even liked her. The one my parents picked._

_Did you know the best and one of the worse moment of my life was when I kissed you? Yes, I knew you were there, you helped me, I was drunk off my ass that night, I had to be after several other guys were hanging off you most of the party, I guess after so many years of seeing you all alone, it made me angry to see you have others want you. I don't recall much else, but I see our kiss clearly as it happened just not your expression my mind made up it's own for that memory. I knew that because the morning after, I waited for your reaction but it never came so I figure instead of pushing my luck any farther I just let it go and focused on my studies, but I never took my eyes off you._

_I know it must of been a shock when I all of a sudden asked you to be my best man, you shocked me with your blatant disdain at the idea. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did, but I felt trapped, the marriage was nothing but a business deal and I took it out on you because you would be up there with me I knew you would just not the way I always wanted. Imagining that girl as you was the only way I got through those vows. _

_There are no excuses for how I've treated you but I did because you were always there never left, no matter what I did or said, you never left. You'll never know how much that meant to me._

_The last time I saw you I came to say goodbye and I was sorry, but couldn't...I guess I really am a self-centered bastard, but if you ask me I was always You-centered. I know I never really thought of your feelings, and I apologize for that, but honestly I couldn't see anything but you._

_I hope that if you've read this far that you don't hate or are repulsed by me, as selfish as it sounds I hope you miss me..._

_Please live your life to the fullest the way I never could. I hope that you do find that special someone even though I'll be dead my heart will still hurt for the thought of you with someone else but your happiness is what's most important, I see that now._

_I love you, Dobe._

_Forever and always I will, Sasuke._

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"That fucking bastard, if only he could have seen." I said letting my word be swept away by the early-winter wind. My tears making chilly rivers down my cheeks. The setting sun gleamed over the gun still lying next to me, picking it up and speaking again to someone not of this world anymore."I can't live without you with me either, you'll always be my only love." Bringing the barrel to my temple and holding it there "I'm coming to get you, Sasuke, and I hope its your 'wife' that finds this body." With that I pulled the trigger, the sound was so loud, the pain so intense. Then everything went black and a moment later I was gone that body's blood seeping in to the cold, hard, earth.

As irony would have it was your wife that found my body her screams echoed through the surrounding trees at finding someone dead on her husband's grave. I bet she didn't know anything of us. But none of that matters, I'm in your arms now and will never leave again.

Together forever.

Well I hope all enjoyed! Please do leave a review! Constructive criticism is preferred. No Flames.

I'm currently writing the second chapter of Two Months! Should be out soon! So if you like this please go check out my first chap! Plus in the near future I will be posting a Co-writen story with Swallowed by Pain! So please keep and eye out for that also!

Alright now I'm done shamelessly plugging my own other stories...

This in no way reflects my views on Heaven, hell, or the afterlife

Ja ne!


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